|
I've felt social phobic all week. Just didn't want to face people. Not sure why but I ended up with a super headache and feeling physically crummy so I am wondering if it was just a weird side effect to being sick. I feel better now, just in time for work. Not sure if that is good or bad but at least I feel better.
Time to get back on track with my diet and exercize and working on the things I've been putting off. Still got some final tibits to the yard then I can get back to doing what I want to the inside. Luckily the work I already did bought us some time but i don't want to push my luck. |
|
Work was a bit chaotic with issues popping up left and right. I gave the yard a rest but I need to force myself to get back to work today. I'm making progress but still got a bit to do. My motivation is low this morning but I was up late watching the olympics. Anyone know if USA Men's Volleyball won last night? I was too tired to watch the last set.
I woke in a sour mood this morning but I think I am pulling myself out of it. In my dreams I kept arguing with people at church over stupid stuff and in one dream I was trying to kill a serial killer while he was trying to kill me. Really weird.
I need to make a game plan tongiht, I got so much to do between work home and special projects and I feel like I am going chotically between them and not making much progress on any of them. Pastor Bill if you read this, I did not forget about September 1st.Current Mood:  pensive |
|
Well a lot has happened in a year and I am going to try and start posting again. No promises on how lng or often. Got in touch with my high school friend Cathy. Was good to talk to her agian. Mom got ovarian cancer earlier this year but is now cancer free. Wife and I are closer then ever. The zoo has got even zooier with the addition of a new puppy. My company got bought out by HP. Many more exciting events too that I will try to remember later.Current Mood:  cheerful Current Music: Working in a coal mine |
|
When I was three until I was about 10 or 11, I lived in Cherry Hill. We rented half a house over a barbershop and what I think was a realtor's office. I hated it. Every moment of it from the point I started going to school and making friends in the neighborhood. All my friends had big fancy houses, really nice toys and birthday parties that everyone wanted to go to. I didn't mind at first but once Kindergarten started we practiced an evil little ritual that our teacher pushed upon us. A ritual that continued unofficially in the minds and hearts of all the kids I knew up until the moment I finally escaped. Yes that's right...Show and Tell.
I never felt deprived of anything as a kid until the rich and happy middle class kids were kind enough to show me the error of my ways. I never felt my Burger King happy meal magic trick wasn't up to snuff after all it could make a penny disappear. Heck I could even bring it back if I flipped it back over. Surly that was as cool as the hand held Pac Man game that everyone else had. But the other kids were kind enough to show me the errors of my ways. After all, even though the mini version only made batteries Vanish, it's big brother in the arcades were making whole quarters disappear. Perhaps if I had been more clever though I could have pointed out how only the arcade owner could make them reappear, well unless enough of there friends managed to flip the machine over, but then cops would be involved and those machines were much heavier then my little plastic box from burger king. My box was cop free.
There were always things I couldn't afford and always someone to point that out. My show and tells were never good enough, even when it switched from the official presentations on the Kindergarten Carpet to the unofficial venues at recess and after school. Ironically it was never the Rich kids that tried to make me feel bad. In fact my best friend at the time could have anything he asked for and lived in a house that made even the Middleist Class Kid's home look small. But he loved to share what he had and got excited when the penny vanished, or at least pretended really well. Perhaps with no one telling him his stuff was not up to par, he didn't feel the need to point that out to others. Too bad he had to move to Atlanta. And yes I did just make up my own word, Middlest. It's my language I can do with it what I want. If you don't like it stop using my language.
Eventually we moved out of our big, half a house and into a tiny trailer. Some would have considered it a step down but I was happy. We moved to an area where the kid's toys were even worse then mine and I was finally free. I tried very hard not to show off my magic penny box and I always smiled when they showed me their stick forts and there home made guns. They were 100% grade A tree branch and shot real rubber bands. Who was I to judge.
My time in cherry hill taught me much, as did my time in Mantua, though left me with a complex. I am overly sensitive when people seem to think I or my offerings are not up to par. There are people who appreciate that you sometimes have to use creativity to deal with limited funds. Usually they are the types of people that have had to do the same themselves from time to time. They are the people I feel comfortable with, they are the people I feel like I belong to.Current Mood:  listless |
|
A productive weekend it has been. I have taken my room completely apart and almost have iut back together. I am much hapier with the layout and it will be easier to stay orginized. Play practive was rough. The kids did not want to behave today and one of the main characters quit a week before the play. Despite this we recovered and I think we will do well next week. i ma behind schedule on what i wanted to acomplish due to the downtime of being sick but I believe I am recovering quickly now. Everything I need to have ready for Christmas should be done in time. Now that my room is getting cleaner I feel more productive.
Tonight my prayers are focused on a member of the Church Family who is in the hospital and a member of my family who's work has become inhumane. If anyone can spare prayers, pray for Rich and Mike.Current Mood:  accomplished |
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
Today was a very bad day healthwise but I think I am finally back in an upswing. I hate being sick. I turn into super wuss. I feel like i lost two days but I needed the rest. I'll worry about catch up once I'm better.
Lynda called today and made me feel better about recent issues I was having. I feel good about the upcoming year now.
Dec. 3rd, 2006 @ 10:00 pm
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
STEP ONE
- Make a post (public, friends locked, filtered...whatever you're comfortable with) to your LJ. The post should contain your list of 10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fun ("I'd love an icon that's just for me") to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD") to really big ("All I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV.") The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.
- If you wish for real possible things, make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you.
- Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your LJ, or link to this post so that the holiday joy will spread.
STEP TWO
-Surf around your friends list (or friends friends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now here's the important part:
- If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use--or even know where you could get someone's dream pure-bred Basset Hound for free--do it. Once a wish has been granted, it will be crossed off my list (Unless it's like, Christmas cards. The more the merrier).
You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out (or in debt), it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf--to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not--it's your call.
There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just...wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.
(Don't actually expect any of this, just trying to get an Idea of what i actually want. Might help me focus for next year.)
1. A trip to Disney.
2. My tree and/or house decorations out of my attic and up.
3. A used but working computer 1.5 or higher to replace the one that blew out in my Arcade Machine.
4. A brand new SLI Ready Computer barebones kit. http://www.tigerdirect.com/applications/SearchTools/item-details.asp?EdpNo=2533689&CatId=2431
5. My computer room clean and orginized.
6. Hurly Action Figure from Lost.
7. Gold or silver cross necklace on a chain.
8. Never Winter Nights II for PC
9. Digital Camera
10. Tuition and time to go to a culinary school.
Dec. 3rd, 2006 @ 09:31 pm
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
Ever have a feeling there is more going down then you are being let in on? Got a bad feeling. Maybe it's just a byproduct of being sick. I seem to be spiking up and down in the health department. Nights and Mornings seem to be the worst.
Dec. 2nd, 2006 @ 08:19 pm
|
| » Sick and tired of being Sick and Tired. |
|---|
I can't take off work but i am giving myself off from all the non essential responabilities until i get better and focusing on the essentials. Last nights Bible study want better then I feared. Everyone joined in on the descussions even Emily. A spoke with Al after the meeting and we discussed classes for December. We are going to alternate between classes focused on the blessing and classes using the book we were using before. This makes my job easier as the book requires no real prep and means i can take it a little easier this week. I still feel a little weird about the fact that I've only been baptized a few weeks and i am trying to teach people who grew up in the Church. No one has openly objected though and they all seemed interested in the class so I am going to keep going as best i can. I'll meet with Myla later in the month and discuss classes from january on.
Chirstmas will be at my Uncles this year. Part of me disapointed but part of me is going to enjoy the break from cooking. I enjoy cooking the holiday meals but work is going to be rough so it will be nice to be able to relax. We may be able to get everyone together this time.
Nov. 30th, 2006 @ 08:26 pm
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
I forgot to pick up the echinacea last night so i am picking it up today after work. I did manage to get wipes for my CPAP. I think the infection has moved into my chest already. Usually I have a few days. I can't believe I have to wait two weeks to see my doctor. I'm going to keep the Orange juice and stuff going. Tonight I am going to try and find the zinc tablets in my house too. I just wish I could sleep better. I think I've gotten 4 hours tonight scattered through the night. I'm starting to get less grumpy though and that's a good sign. I always get crabby right as I get sick.
Tonight is my first class. I feel weird teaching a subject I hardly know about but I think I got a few decent concepts to work on and for tonight I think I found better information to hand out. Just wish I could have been healthy for it but I'll get by. I'm not sure what the right thing is when it comes to Showing up sick vs Staying home and not having the class but in this case we have not had the study for a while and I don't think cancling again is a good idea. I'll just try to be careful and limit my exposure to others.
I've been actually keeping my "To Do" list in outlook. Not sure that I remembered to add everything but it is a start.
Nov. 29th, 2006 @ 07:06 am
|
| » 5am |
|---|
I'm up at 5 am. I didn't even know there was a 5am. WHAT ELSE HAVN'T YOU TOLD ME!!!
(Family Guy reference)
I feel like a fountain of Yello Gunk.
Nov. 28th, 2006 @ 05:02 am
|
| » Sinus |
|---|
Going to be a rough week. I am sick, probably sinus infection. Means I can't use my CPAP either which means i am going to be tired. Not allowed to take off until January. Earliest apointment I could get was 12/12 and they would call me in a decongestant but no antibiotic. I am freezing.
Nov. 27th, 2006 @ 11:06 pm
|
| » Carving out a path. |
|---|
Well it was a long and busy four day weekend. i didn't finish even half the things I had planned but I accomplished things I didn't expect. after all the ups and downs, I would say there was more good then bad and I've strengthened under the stress. Lynda and mike helped a lot.
Thanks giving was a lot of cooking but was nice despite the lack luster response of some of my family. The cousin who did show seemed to appreciate the meal a lot and that made it worth it. Friday was a lot of cleaning and Saturday was some work at the church follwed by a nice get together at Lynda's.
the hanging of the green service is over and now I need to focus on the advent play and Wednesday classes.
Nov. 26th, 2006 @ 08:47 pm
|
| » All play and no work makes Drew unemployed. |
|---|
Work is getting rough. Open enrollment for us is like Tax time is for an accountant. Best part is, overtime is not allowed, so we have more work then last year and not we only get paid for 8 hours a day. Last year we were told we were expected to work no less then ten hours a day for December. Not the worst situation out there but it still sucks.
Work aside everything else is ok, some good some annoying. Just too tired to write more then this.
Nov. 21st, 2006 @ 10:58 pm
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
Well it's been a roller coaster week. Right now i feel great but extreamly tired. The confirmation went real well and I ended up happy with what I ended up saying at the podium. At the end Pat Porter paid me an amazing compliment when she told me that "when i speak i always move her." It felt great to hear. The day was so eventful but I am to tired to write more about it right now.
Nov. 19th, 2006 @ 09:20 pm
|
| » Busy |
|---|
Got a lot done since yesterday. Not everything I wanted but the stuff that had to be done is plus some extra. I ended up doing the stuffed mushrooms and the first half of the cake last night. It took me about 5 or 6 hours so i am glad i didn't put it off. This morning I made the icing and fondant then assembled the cake. It took me another 2 hours but it looks great. I need to be at the church by 4pm. I'm a little nervous considering this is my first time back since Wednesday's issue went out on the email lists but I need to learn to deal with confrontation again. I used to be very aggressive when it came to dealing with issues but I managed to swing into a pattern of trying to avoid them completely through the years. It's time I buck up and find something in between. Half the time the confrontation ends up being nothing big once I deal with it.
I need to make the doctor's appointment I keep putting off. I am nervous at the concept of anti-depressants but if that's what I need then it's what I need. I'll let the doctor worry about it. He's not the type to just prescribe them arbitrarily or I'd already be on them. If he decides I need something then i will take them. Maybe it will make me less hesitant to deal with people.
Nov. 18th, 2006 @ 12:14 pm
|
| » Ashamed to be right |
|---|
After my initial post about my disapointing Wednesday, Lynda called me the following day and was even more upset then I was. I had inititalluy thought I was over reacting about what i posted but Lynda pointed out things that made me realize there really was an issue. We have been cancling our spiritual developement and outreach in order to fulfil our pride and social needs. This was not intentional by anyone but now that Lynda has opened my eyes, it's clearly there.
The problem I have with my own actions is that although Lynda's points made me technically correct, i still felt ashamed. Her reasons were valid and just. My reasons were pride and vanity. I wasn't thinking about the greater spiritual need when I was upset. I was thinking about how I was disapointed about MY chance in the spotlight. I was cranky about MY toils over the past few days and MY deeds. Even though we should have balanced it better with our spiritual objectives, Many good people came together on Wednesday and and worked hard to acomplish something for the good of the Church. Everyone there had worked harder then me, acomplished more then me, and showed up three times as many as me. Yet when I came home I whined and grumbled like a little kid. Somehow I don't think this is what Jesus meant by Being liken to a child.
All I can do at this point is appologize and move on. Though I am greatful that god channeled my sins into an action that will be good for the church. I am brewing up some ideas for spiritual developement (and stealing some from Lynda). Today I am going to try to be mighty in Gods name. Blessings to all.
Nov. 17th, 2006 @ 09:18 am
|
| » Pandora was an amature |
|---|
Today was a long day at work but worth it as i am off tomorrow. This time of year is for me what Tax time is for an accountant. I was very lucky to get the day off. For now I am just going to veg, the rest of the weekend will be busy. I have stuffed mushrooms and a cake to make tomorrow. Plus food shopping. Lynda and Mike rock!
Nov. 16th, 2006 @ 08:47 pm
|
| » Update |
|---|
Well now that I have vented and calmed down I am in a slightly better mood. I have had a few interesting events this year worth noting.
I was diagnosed with Severe Sleep Apnea and now have to use a CPap Machine. It sucks but it's nice to be able to sleep again.
I succeeded in building the arcade machine I was planning for so long. The only downside now is that the computer inside had blown a Power supply. Once I upgrade to a new Machine this one will go inside and it will work again. I went with a classic Street fighter II layout for the control panel except there is a Track ball in between the player one and two control sets. The Track Ball Glows blue which goes well with the machine as I went with a blue and black color scheme for the cabinet. It looks sharp, especially since I had a custom marquee printed. I still need to buy a light for behind the Marquee though. I am proud to have been able to actually finish what I started. This was a major project that was time consuming and expensive but very fun. It took me most of the year. Not bad considering I built it from scratch instead of building it from an existing game cabinet. I can't wait until I can play it again.
My friend and I also rebuilt a roof for a friends Gazebo. It was interesting work but man was it exhausting. I never worked so hard for so little. Still it's a nice accomplishment to be able to say I've done.
There are other events that happened but I am too tired for now to go into them so the will have to wait for another entry.
Nov. 15th, 2006 @ 10:35 pm
|
| » Aparently I am fasting from Bible Study |
|---|
One thing I wish our church had better of...Communication. Sunday it was announced that a little work had to be done downstairs after the Bible Study Class. Key word...After. This insinuates a Bible Study Class. So after spending all week stressing over Fasting and what I am going to say about it at my first teaching session,there was no class. I could have been spending that time working on what I will have to say for my Mom's confirmation instead of having to come up with it on Thursday. Friday I have to bake and cook so I can't work on it then. I'm tired, I'm cranky and my lungs feel like crap from being in an unventilated room filled with paint fumes. I probably wouldn't have felt as bad if this wasn't to be my first class but right now I feel about as far from Christian-ly as i can get but i know I'll be better once I unwind. I prayed on it as well. I need to get some sleep and make that Doctor's appointment so i can talk to him about anti-depressants.
I need to stop wanting things, I never seem to be happy once I get it.
Nov. 15th, 2006 @ 10:12 pm
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
themightydrew's journal